Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
