A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
