Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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