dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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