get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize