I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
