my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
