So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
