we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
