so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
