My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
