My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
birth control should be required to get into college
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
