Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just want nice things and good sex
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
