My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
