Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
