i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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