I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
