Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
