Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
