i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize