16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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