I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
