That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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