I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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