Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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