i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
