i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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