That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
