My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
