OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
