My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
People in love make me want to vomit
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You dont lie about slip and slides
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
