It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
