imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
