careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
