a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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