is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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