Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
