Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
