I feel like abortions should bother me more
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize