yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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