i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We smell like vodka and hangover
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