I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
