8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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