she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
