I'm gonna have a badass scar
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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