To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
