It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
