Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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