and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I could make wine with my vomit
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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