Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
