can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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