Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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