I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The beers last night were like the tears from god
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
