So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
