I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
