...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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