dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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