I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
