I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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