Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
im drinking this country out of the recession.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
