In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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