You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
