who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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