Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
