probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
