tell your sister to shave her snatch
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
