We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize