so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
