I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
