3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
