oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
