Whoa Z and x make the same sound
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
