i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
