What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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