I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i think i have two assholes
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
