Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
