Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
