I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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