Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
