just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
