Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
