ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
