no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
porn star boner night. come get it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize