did you get engaged???
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
