The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize