That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He felt like a one man threesome
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
