We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
