Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
