Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
