mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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