You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She needs sedatives and a leash
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
