I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
