she was so not down for the gang bang
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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