just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
worst night to have a conscience
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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