If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize